i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm passing your future prison.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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