is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
