talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
