May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
