Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
