So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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