im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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