The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
