i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
