How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
