explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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