My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
