Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
