So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Four minutes until I can fart!
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
