my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
