I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
