I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
