I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
