I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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