I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
