I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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