Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
