i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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