If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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