the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
