i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
