Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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