Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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