Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize