omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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