Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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