We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests đ
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes âI drove you last nightâ\nâYou got your dick sucked in the back seatâ
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
