sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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