I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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