I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I enjoy the company of your penis
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
