just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
