I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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