Small penises have feelings too.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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