Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
