I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize