if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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