If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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