Moan for me like Helen Keller
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
