I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Randomize
