they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
