you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
