So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
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