38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
