Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
