so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize