Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
