i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
