Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
