In the future we'll all be gay
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
