I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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