You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
