im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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