Sry I called you an 8
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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