what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
