He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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