you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
