yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
