Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Randomize
