I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize