i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
