I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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