he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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