You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
