Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
