Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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