Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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