what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
