Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
