Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
