I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
