Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
