Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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