i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
