i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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