Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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