The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
