She's JV to your varsity
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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